The DEPTH Of Our Struggle
Have you ever wanted something so bad that your heart and your body literally ached? Well, I felt this Way for over five years. My husband and I were happily married, traveling, enjoying each other‘s company, growing our businesses, and serving in our local church, BUT then I felt a shift. I felt called to something greater....something life changing.....like it was time for us to start our family. At first we didn’t tell anyone because we wanted to get pregnant and surprise our families and friends but then after the first year, the second year, the third year, and now going in the fourth year of trying everyone was asking questions.
Literally EVERY single day I was asked why we didn’t have children yet. People would say..”what are you waiting for? Do you even want children?”
It was so devastating.....because No one knew that we had been trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully for almost 4 years. Therefore, when someone assumed we didn’t want children or assumed we were going to wait..... It would be heartbreaking.
No one knew that I was crying every month because each pregnancy test came out negative. Struggling with doubt, fear, hopelessness and anxiety. AND then when we did share that We have been trying for almost 4 years people looked at us like we were broken and immediately tried to give us solutions, and tell us why we weren’t pregnant yet and that we need to change what we eat, or that it was probably because of the numerous things… They didn’t know and ultimately they need to keep their opinions to themselves but I think most of them had good intentions without Realizing that their words with cutting my heart deeply, and shattering the Hope I had for our family.
I know what you’re thinking, I should not put my hope in what others think, but that I should I rely solely on God and remain full of joy and peace and hope even when the circumstance look sooo bleak… But that was not my reality. I did struggle and I think in the midst of our greatest struggle, we find our greatest strength as we overcome those moments of sorrow, grief and pain, we are able to walk into OUR promise with a revelation that God is good and God is who he says he is!!!
Free Tip – please be careful with your words, 99% of the time we don’t really know what’s going on in someone’s life. We know what we see but we do not know what is behind closed doors. Instead of assuming something… Pray for that person to be full of peace, to have their dreams come to pass, and that you would be a blessing and not a burden.
The BEGINNING of Breakthrough
Have you any of you ever struggled to fulfill a dream? And then it seems like everyone around you is a rising into their purpose or being promoted, or walking out there Dream?
We that is exactly what was happening to my husband and I! People all around me were getting pregnant and they weren’t even trying…College girls and even high school girls in our youth group were getting pregnant and didn’t even want their baby..... and complained about this unplanned miracle… I struggled so much with THIS. I even got angry!!
I didn’t understand God’s timing, I didn’t understand why we were having to wait… And at this point, we had been married for seven years and officially trying for over four years and still nothing. The doctors actually told us that everything looked great on my end but I kept feeling like they must’ve made a mistake.
After I literally couldn’t shed one more tear… I knew I had to change my perspective!! I got on my knees and thanked God for all the good in our lives, deciding to let go of my dream to have my own children and told the Lord that it didn’t matter if we had own biological children… I knew that we were called to be parents and we were going to do whatever it took to make that a reality.
At that moment a phrase came into my mind that Even if we never have any of our own biological children… That there are children and babies with our names imprinted on their hearts, that God created and designed specifically for us to be there parents.
They were waiting on us, and in a moment of sorrow I was truly filled with a renewed joy that God has a better plan and we didn’t have to go on this journey alone BUT with full assurance of Gods faithfulness and purpose!!
I felt like God was saying, adoption is not a last resort but a first priority and it is our duty as Christians, and as people to love and serve well and WHAT better way than Laying down our lives for the sake of a child.
WHY WE SAID YES
After praying and spending time with the Lord, I felt so empowered and excited and that the sorrow that had been in my soul for years and the pain that I felt was NOW lifting! Instead I was being filled with uncontained Joy and the hope for what the future held for my husband and I. As I let go of what I thought our future was going to look like and embraced the new revelation that there were children waiting on us, I felt an urgency to start looking and seeking out how we could start the process to adopt.
My husband and I always felt like we were supposed to adopt but had not stepped out in anyway. Therefore, within two days we contacted a lot of different foster to adopt agencies and decided that we were going to go with a company based out of Houston Texas.
We didn’t know what the future held but we knew one thing that God called us to be parents and that Dream was going to be for filled!!
I want you to know that you are not alone. If you’re struggling with anything today, I hope that you can find it reassurance and the fact that God always has a plan. Even if it doesn’t look like what we had pictured, the plan God has for your life is good, filled with hope for an amazing future, and as I continue to share you will see how God has exceeded our expectations. I cannot wait to continue to share a journey with you and that hopefully inspire you to know that you’re not alone!!!
I love you all so much and I cannot wait to share our adoption process with you and then I’m rack is pregnancies with you and then the guardianship of our niece with you!
Also, you can shop my look here! Hope you are having an amazing day!!
Love you all!!!!
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