Although we were coaching her through weight loss, we had begun to dig deeper – as is always the case. Like nearly every client we coach, we reached this threshold, this dilemma in the soul of every person – the desire for “happiness”. We went through the same steps to identify the deep motives for wanting to lose weight. It starts with “I don’t like the way I look. I want to look beautiful.” Then a step deeper to “I want to feel beautiful.” Then deeper to “I want to be happy – and I believe my weight is the reason I’m not.”
“Everything I’ve tried just doesn’t seem to be working. I keep giving up. I can’t stick with anything. I’m stressed out with my work and I don’t like the way I look. I just want to lose the extra weight so I can be happy.”
Why was it so hard for Stacey to lose weight? It seemed this search for “happiness” was actually causing her more stress.
The answer surprised her. It may surprise you, too. You see, deep under the surface of her desire to look beautiful, was a brooding fear. It’s a fear many of us experience, just almost never consciously. It hides under what we deem to be noble motives, sabotaging our efforts toward success – whether it’s weight loss, finances, relationships, or any other cornerstone of our lives. That fear?
That’s right, the fear that was holding back Stacey from reaching her goal was the fear of succeeding.
“But, that doesn’t make any sense”, you might say. Of course we want to succeed. Of course we want to reach our goals. Why on earth would we be afraid of doing the very thing we are striving so hard for?
Well, it’s quite simple. Stacey was falling short of succeeding because, although she had never consciously expressed it, she was deathly afraid that she would reach her goal – that she would be the perfect weight, look perfect, and achieve business success – and that it wouldn’t cure her unhappiness.
“What if I lose all of the weight and I’m still unhappy. What if my weight isn’t the real problem – the real reason for my unhappiness.”
It’s a scary reality to face. So, Stacey kept unconsciously sabotaging her own efforts to lose weight because deep inside she knew that as long as she was overweight, she could use it as her reason for being unhappy. If she lost all of the weight, what would she have to attach her unhappiness to?
You see, so often in life we search for things, we strive to achieve things, we work super hard toward a goal, hoping it will bring us happiness. We’ve been told it will work. We’ve been told that these things will make us happy. So we go after them, and then find ourselves falling short again and again, never knowing why it’s so hard to achieve what we’re told we should want.
But what we all really want is to be happy, right? Maybe it’s actually much deeper. Maybe happiness itself isn’t the goal. Maybe happiness is just a natural result of finding deep fulfillment and satisfaction in life. But, where does that come from?
Somewhere back in Stacey’s story something changed. She no longer had the confidence and joy for life that she had as a child. She began a familiar journey that many of us find ourselves taking. Not realizing how or when, she lost herself, and then at some point eventually began looking for herself. She looked for herself in starting her own business. She looked for herself in marrying the right guy. She looked for herself in trying to be thin and “beautiful”. But at every turn she came up just a bit short. Those things never quite satisfied the deep longing in her heart.
What we discovered (what we almost always discover) is that, more than anything, Stacey wanted to be herself – the real Stacey. She wanted to love herself. She wanted to be happy as a result of being confident in who she really was. She didn’t want to live a life always fighting for attention, approval, and permission. She wanted to be free. She wanted to experience love and life on a deep, deep level – every day. Our goal became to find the real Stacey.
“Many people think they are looking for their purpose, when really thy are looking for themselves.”
Stacey found herself. When she did, everything changed. She felt peace. She experienced a different kind of weight loss. A weight lifted off of her soul. She started to lose the weight on the outside. The stress began to leave. She started to see the world through a different lens. She began to love herself – really, truly love herself – and it changed everything.
I want to invite you to experience the same thing. I believe that if you discover who you truly are, if you love yourself deeply, and if you realize you have all the approval and permission you’ll ever need to live the life you want, you’ll find your purpose. You’ll be able to reach your goals – the right goals. You’ll become more beautiful with less effort because you will be yourself – the real you. You will find your happy.
So, consider joining us at our Identity and Calling Seminar on January 12 – 13 at Grace International Church in Willis, TX. We are going to dive in deep for two days to help you discover your true identity, get rid of all of the things holding you back, and to find your true calling. I promise, it will be life-changing.